Stubbed toes. Rusty ladders. Slimy steps. Chipped nail polish.
There is so much living that happens between the highlights. We all know it's true, yet we sometimes believe that ours is the only life that is ordinary, mundane, uneventful or filled with heartache. We are dazzled by the vast number of "likes" on our friend's Facebook pages or Instagram accounts. We believe they are proof that everyone else in our circle is experiencing life more fully, taking more exotic vacations, accomplishing more items on their bucket list, eating healthier, raising all-star children, achieving their purpose-driven life........living the dream.
But what about all those in-between moments where some of the really important stuff happens --the ones we would never post for the world to see? Where disappointments stretch our character? Where misunderstandings give us opportunity to forgive? Where we learn about humility through illness or injury? Where we struggle and strive and learn to dig deeper? Where our dependance on God grows moment by moment?
I want to share with you some of my in-between moments as a sort of sequel to the post before this one entitled
Summer Sweetness and Seasons of the Soul [link here] and one from last summer called
Summer Gifts and Dreamy Spaces (link here).
I wrote my "Summer Sweetness" post over the course of a day and a half alone at the lake. Normally I just love the idea of a couple days alone in such a beautiful place with time to myself to do whatever I want: think, swim, walk, write, day-dream (and clean with no-one messing it up behind me.) But what you won't know from reading my post is that I actually felt so lonely this time when my family was leaving. I cried when they pulled away.
I just felt strange and weird and out of sorts -- with tears that seemed way too close to the surface. I'd had a misunderstanding with my daughter that we hadn't really resolved well; I was feeling disconnected from my husband - sensing that his thoughts had shifted out of holiday mode and back onto work and real life; I'd felt disappointed earlier that morning that I was the only one who wanted to go for my "birthday"waterski - when the lake was so glassy and it was our last opportunity before we took the boat out for the summer.
So that was how my "alone" time began -- kind of gross, but I knew it was just temporary weirdness. It didn't take long before I settled into the peaceful solitude of my surroundings and sat down to write.
Then there was the rat. Yes, you heard right. RAT!! I won't go into all the gory details, but suffice it to say that later that night after I'd gone to bed with my bedroom doors open to the top floor deck, I'd heard a nighttime visitor scurrying just a few feet away. Though I jumped up and flipped the light on, I didn't see anything. But sure enough the next morning, (which also happened to be my birthday) I discovered evidence left by the critter that assured me it was bigger than a mouse. YUCK! It had also left evidence all over the main deck as well.
I am an Alberta girl who knows nothing about rats, but I do know about mice. This was not a mouse. So, I had a problem to solve. As a result, I spent the morning of my birthday researching and looking at disgusting pictures to find out if I was actually dealing with a rat. Then after lunch I drove into town to buy the only three rat traps I could find. Which, by the way, are huge. Again....yuck!!
To make a long story short, and to save you all the suspense that must be killing you, I set the traps with peanut butter, one on each level of the house, and by the next morning, I'd caught myself a pack- rat the size of my foot with a long hairy tail.
Life between the highlights. Not glamorous. Often not so humorous.
I guess one of the main reasons I write in this blog is simply to celebrate the grace that lines each of our moments - the highlights, lowlights and every bit of living in between. It is a very precious gift to be able to see God at work in our lives, no matter how things appear. This is what I ask for daily.
My earnest desire is ALWAYS to see and recognize God's grace and then to share that grace and hope with others. This is what I love to do. Yet, you may be surprised to know that I experience a lot of angst about my writing. Yet another part of my own story of life between the highlights.
Almost every time I sit down to write, I worry that my posts will sound trite or cliché. Most days, I agonize over every line; rarely does my writing happen effortlessly. Instead, I grapple with wording and often scrap posts altogether because I am afraid of how my words will be taken. At times, I find writing about joy and beauty the most difficult of all topics. The whole time that I am trying to encourage and share beauty with my readers, I am thinking about all the ugliness that so much of the world faces every single day. I think about the secret heartache of people I rub shoulders with at the grocery store. I think about the vast, indescribable suffering of people on every surface of the globe. I worry that my words will make people scoff or feel even more cynical about the hurts and disappointments of life. I worry that my joy will highlight someone else's pain. Or if I write about hurt or sadness or struggles, I worry that I'm not qualified because I have such a good life overall. I worry that I will sound like a princess who takes her own perfect life for granted and only obsesses over minuscule first-world problems. I worry that I will sound completely naive or insensitive to the tragedies occurring all around me. I worry. And that gets in the way of me following my calling.
A dear friend recently challenged me when I shared these feelings with her. She is the one who, back when I was a teenager, helped me fall in love with writing and poetry and who still encourages me to write from the heart today. She said simply and pointedly: "Try not to judge who needs it and who doesn't. Let the Lord have his way with your writing. There's a million message he can bring through your words. "
Let the Lord have his way. If I believe that I'm following my calling when I sit down to write, then why can't I simply trust that my writing will land where it needs to and touch those it was meant for?
Trust. I am learning to trust God with all of the in-between parts of my life.I want to practice noticing and celebrating God's gifts of grace that come during all the seasons, especially those between the highlights when life is tough, or ordinary, or confusing, or overwhelming. I have a hunch that as grand as the highlight moments are, it's the in-between stuff that matters most in the end.
words and images © copyright Melody Armstrong 2016
